The Fat Girl At My Back

She's four and a half years and 130 pounds ago. But she's there. I've slowed her to a crawl, but given the right fuel (too many cheesy puffs, perhaps), she'd gain speed easily. Fat is fast. Fast and long.

How did I go from a size 24/26 to a 10/12? Eat less and exercise, the old fashioned way. No pills, no surgery. But beyond that, eat well and exercise. This is the place where I will share all my thoughts, opinions, and how I did it.

I'm still about 20 pounds from my goal. And through this journey that has led to the new, revitalized me, I learned so much. I have so many thoughts to share on being fat, and on changing one's life. It's so important to be healthy. Fat isn't happy. I know a lot of people say "I'm comfortable with my weight." Yeah, right. That is the ultimate cop-out. No one is happy to be fat. Nope. Not buying it. I'm not saying everyone wants to look like Kate Moss (nor should they), but we all want to look good in jeans, shop in regular stores, wear clothes that come in single-digit sizes with no X's.

Yes, I am saying that fat people aren't happy, and as a former fat person, I think my opinion holds, um, weight.

And by the way, I prefer not to use phrases like "lost weight." That makes it sound like I might find it again! I also don't care to call myself a loser, in any context. So through this blog, I'll find other ways to refer to the new me.

Oh I prayed for the magic pill, the book, the simple exercise that would make me thin and fit, while crying in my cheesy puffs. I'd spent all my life in some stage of chubby-to-fat, blaming it on hypothyroidism, consoling myself with that back-handed compliment that I sometimes received: "you have such a pretty face." I convinced myself that I didn't look that bad.

But I did look bad, and started to feel it, too. Wandering through the Metropolitan Museum of Art with my niece, I couldn’t walk long without knee pain that required frequent stops. I started to experience numbness in my outer, upper thighs now and then. My weight was changing from a cosmetic problem to the sort of issue that would result in deteriorating health. Something had to be done. It was one thing to be young and fat...but to become old and fat, with limited mobility; the prospect was terrifying.

I found my miracle: "I Can Make You Thin" by Paul McKenna, a book with an accompanying hypnosis CD. Tentatively, I began listening to it and practicing some of the book's tips ( such as: put your utensils down between every bite, which is now a habit for me). I learned to judge when I was satisfied and stop, not eat till I became stuffed. This book/CD combo is only available in the U.K., but can be bought inexpensively on ebay.

The weight began to drop, and everything about me became lighter. My life, my perspective, my moods, my body; everything improved. I am, happily, a completely different woman. Shopping for clothes is now a joy, and far fewer photos of me end up in the trash bin. Sometimes I look at old photos and wonder who that woman was, and why I let her stay so unhappy for so long.


My life is completely revitalized. I've renewed my efforts to rid myself of another 20 pounds, and some days maintaining is more challenging than others. But it’s not a fight; for me, I’ve fallen in love with a new way of living. I love me more than ever before, and that’s a wonderful feeling.

Welcome to my journey! Namaste!


Stuff I love!

As I chronicle my life and its weight issues, I'll include some stuff here and there that I love. These are not paid endorsements, but hey, if someone wants to pay me for writing about things I already love, then let's chat!

Ezekiel Bread Unless I'm out to eat, this is the only bread I eat. Whole sprouted grains...mmmm. No preservatives, either. You'll find it in the freezer in the natural foods section of your grocery store. Then you'll have to keep it in the fridge, that's how deliciously natural it is. We all know how bad white bread is for us, so just purge it. Get rid of it. 79 cents for a loaf of bread that takes weeks and weeks to rot? C'mon, you know that's not really food. It doesn't nourish your body. Even if something says "whole wheat," that does not necessarily make it healthy. More ranting on that in future posts. Ezekiel also makes a mighty fine tortilla, and I love their cereals, too. Yum!