On Magic Beans. Part One.

Pills.
We Americans love pills. Pills to make us happy. Pills to make us pee or poop. Pills to cure our lax libidos. Pills for our blood pressure. Pills to make us thin.

Right. I took a lot of those thin pills over the years in a fool's quest for a miracle. Now I do body detoxes to get the remnants of that crap out of my system.

Please introduce me to someone who has permanently reduced his or her weight by a significant amount (30 pounds or more), by taking pills.


I work as an on-air personality for a cluster of radio stations in a small Pennsylvania city. A few of my co-workers do endorsements for weight-loss pills. They are all overweight. None of them has reached goal. In fact, to the best of my knowledge, only one of those who took the pills actually worked at changing her life, incorporating exercise and a healthier outlook towards food.

And what happens when you stop taking the pills? You gain it all back, of course. Because you haven't addressed the real problems.

All those pills, for weight, blood pressure, cholesterol, etc., we should pile 'em up and burn them. They ignore the root of the problem, which lies in our food choices.

We don't want to give up the comfort of who we are, to achieve the person we want to be. But what cold comfort it can be, alone on a Saturday night with a DVD and a bag of cheesey poofs. So we want a pill to do it for us. A pill to make us thin, while we sit with the bag of cheesey poofs.

It just doesn't work. I know. I've been there. Don't waste your money on diet pills, while you complain "it's so much more expensive to eat healthy. Apples are expensive!"

One of the latest pills on the market costs about $50 for a month's supply. My sis was considering buying it.

"But, L___, it causes leakage!"

"Leakage?" she asked.

"Yeah. Poop leakage. Even the website says you should wear dark clothing and bring a change of underwear when you use its product."

"Oh."

"Exactly."

But millions of women would rather risk poop leakage, than give up those cheesey poofs. *sigh*

Here's what you and I can do today. Eat one less bite of something we love. Don't even wait till you get till the end of the bowl, if you're not ready for that challenge. Throw away one big bite before you even begin.

My day has just begun, and it's nearing time to get on the air. I'll let you know what that one bite is...